Achieving the Impossible

How Perfectionism Can Undermine Performance

‘just good enough is ok’

Take a look at the sentence above.  How does that land with you?  If you find it uncomfortable to read, the chances are you are holding some pretty strongly held beliefs about your performance, and you are not alone.

In our society, perfectionism is often perceived as a positive trait that drives individuals to achieve excellence and success. Ideas associated with perfectionism are everywhere - in schools, the news, on TV, social media and in the workplace.  We are conditioned to believe that success (particularly in the workplace, but in other settings too) is characterised by superhuman efforts to achieve.

However, in our therapy spaces, we are increasingly seeing a cost to such great emphasis on constant productivity and measurable outcomes.

A powerful drive to achieve and the need to  ‘give 110% in everything I do’ are common themes that emerge in therapy sessions when working with clients who are experiencing high levels of anxiety or exhaustion and burnout. There may be some element of truth in the notion that having high standards and a drive to achieve is linked to better outcomes and performance.  However, it is also proven that high rates of perfectionism and the unrealistic expectations that we set ourselves and others are associated with a range of mental health conditions including depression, anxiety, eating disorders and OCD (Egan, Wade & Shafran, 2012). 

There are studies which suggest that perfectionistic traits in the general population are on the rise.  One study found that rates of self-perfectionism, socially prescribed perfectionism and other oriented perfectionism have steadily risen in the UK, USA and Canadian student populations between 1989 and 2016 (Curran & Hill 2017).  There may be several factors contributing to this including:

• the rise in use and reliance on social media over the past several years, leading to ever increasing opportunities to compare ourselves to others, both locally and around the world.
• Societal factors pushing the idea that success is about attainment (be that good grades, wealth, power, fitness or something else).
• Decreasing standards of living and reduced opportunities to grow and develop

Whatever the case, rising levels of perfectionism are increasingly colliding with employees being asked to do ‘more with less’ by organisations as resources shrink, creating a scenario in which the standards that we feel we have to live up to are simply impossible to achieve.

This is likely to have some bearing on current concerns about rising rates of absenteeism from workplaces, citing stress and burnout as the primary factor.  The cost to us as individuals as well as the organisations we work for is significant, and a major cause for concern.

In my therapy clinic, I frequently see high performing individuals with no previous mental health history suddenly finding themselves experiencing intense distress and/or symptoms of burnout that have left them unable to function at work.  Many of them are struggling to understand why they are now unable to function and perform as they used to.  Frequently our assessment reveals that perfectionism is part of the story.

So what is perfectionism and how does it contribute to poor mental health?

Perfectionism is characterized by setting excessively high standards for oneself and others, accompanied by a highly critical self-evaluation and fear of making mistakes. It can manifest in various forms, including:

• Self-oriented perfectionism: Imposing unrealistic standards on oneself.
• Other-oriented perfectionism: Expecting others to meet high standards.
• Socially prescribed perfectionism: Believing that others expect perfection from oneself

Whilst there may be advantages to setting ourselves high standards to motivate us to perform well, when we become fused with the idea that anything less than perfect is not worthwhile we can end up caught in an endless cycle of striving and not achieving which over time becomes exhausting.  Unfortunately this process often happens without us even realising it.

Becoming Aware of the Problem

Despite the fact that perfectionism is known to drive a range of common mental health issues, most people are not aware that this process is at the root of their distress.  Many people only begin to realise that the reason they are struggling is due to a perfectionistic process when they start talking about what’s causing their struggles with another person, such as their employer, a friend, or a therapist.

When we recognise that perhaps we are setting standards that are too high or unachievable, we start to see that approaching tasks from a standpoint of perfectionism can generate more problems than it solves.  For example, it can lead us to procrastinate and avoid tasks that we might otherwise ‘just get done’.  It can cause problems in relationships with loved ones or work colleagues.  We can spend hours trying to perfect every minor detail of a task which significantly reduces productivity.

Simply recognising and naming our perfectionistic traits when we notice them at work, can be a great step forwards in terms of unhooking from the process and approaching tasks more effectively. 

Unhooking from Perfectionistic Standards

So now you’ve recognised it, it should be easy right, to just stop it?

Well in some cases, yes.  But often our belief systems can really get us stuck in perfectionistic patterns that can be very difficult to break.  We might be able to see rationally that we ‘just’ need to get the job done or tolerate a few mistakes here and there, but somehow our minds won’t let it drop.  Here are a few things that human minds commonly come up with:

‘If you drop your standards you’ll fail, be average, not care’

This is an example of ‘black and white’ thinking that arises as a result of fear and anxiety.  Our mind tells us that if we don’t achieve things perfectly, 110% of the time then we have completely failed and/or don’t care about anything.

If I don’t do all these tasks perfectly, I will be burdening others with my failings

This is another reason people commonly give for not allowing themselves to do things perfectly or up to their impossible standards.  What about those poor other people who will be affected if I don’t do this?  It’s not fair on them is it? 

Making sense of it

Both of these common opinions that our very opinionated minds generate have some sense of validity to them and are likely to be very loud and powerful if they evolved as a result of earlier experiences (such as growing up in poverty, having parents or schools with high standards, or holding a lot of responsibility in childhood for the health and happiness of others).  These rules may have been very helpful to us in the past to help navigate and overcome adverse experiences.  Understanding where these opinions and rules have come from can be helpful in allowing us to notice them and let go of them compassionately when they’re no longer helpful. 

Take a break

When you notice that you’re spending way to much time getting a task exactly right or if you’re noticing these perfectionistic thoughts showing up in your mind, it’s a good idea to stop working on the task for a moment.  Get some distance from it, change the scenery, go for a walk, breathe in some fresh air and try to unhook.

Taking Perspective

Then we might like to ask ourselves a few questions:

• Is this my standard, or someone else’s?
• Is this standard helping me right now, or is this an old rule that is no longer helpful?
• Who expects what?
• Is this task actually achievable (if not, who do I need help from?)
• Is this task worth me spending this amount of time on – are there more important things I should be focusing on right now? (including sleeping, resting and self care!).

We learn from mistakes

Making mistakes is the best way to learn!  If we do everything perfectly all the time, then we will never progress.  Remind yourself that mistakes are a gift – they can teach us what is important (and what isn’t) so perhaps it’s worth reminding yourself of this when you’re avoiding doing that task in case something goes wrong.

You could even experiment with doing something imperfectly, or even badly, to test out what happens.

Taking a break from/limiting social media use

Research is now emerging that indicates that our massively increased  exposure to unrealistic images and narratives about performance via social media platforms is increasing the problem. 

One recent study (Charron, Walburg & Chabrol, 2021) found significant links between perfectionism and harmful social media usage.  The findings seemed to suggest that social media usage exacerbates perfectionistic beliefs in individuals already pre-disposed to perfectionism, driving up the problems and leading to burnout.

Think about the role that comparing yourself to others might be playing in your expectations of yourself.   If you’re finding yourself constantly scrolling or getting hooked by what others are doing on social media, take a break from it.  Recentre yourself and focus on your own goals and values.

Be Kind

However you decide to unhook from perfectionistic thinking, do it with kindness and compassion, and a real desire to care for yourself.  Planning in two or three nurturing and rewarding activities each day is a simple but very effective way to feel less hooked by performance.

Similarly making a point of identifying 3 things you have achieved and 3 things you have gratitude for each day can have a powerful influence on the way you feel about yourself and your contribution to this world.

Imperfection is Healthy!

And finally, just remember that no one gets it 100% right 100% of the time.  Imperfection is normal, desirable and the only route towards growth.

If you feel you would benefit from further help and support you can contact us here.

 

 

References:

Curran, T. and Hilla, A. (2017) Perfectionism is Increasing over time: a Meta-analysis of birth cohort differences from 1989 to 2016. Psychological Bulletin Vol 145, No 4.  410-429.

Egan, S. J., Wade, T. G. and Shafran, R. (2012)The Transdiagnostic Process of Perfectionism.  Revista de Psicpatologia y psicoligia clinica , vol 17, No 3.  279-294. Spanish Journal of Clinical Psychology.

Harren, N., Walburg, V and Chabrol, H. (2021) Studying Social Media Burnout and Problematic social media use: the implication of perfectionism and metacognitions. Computers in Human Behaviour Reports, Vol 4.